America’s Man’s Man Reviews Iron Sharpens Iron

May 17, 2019 admin One comment

America’s Man’s Man reviews the ultimate man’s conference – at least, that’s what it’s advertised as. I attended the iteration of the 2019 tour in Salem/Manchester, New Hampshire (actually just over the border in Bedford, NH.

CONTENT ADVISORY: This article may not be suitable for women and children.

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Introduction

I don’t mean this in any way to diminish the noble purpose of the ISI mission. We men need more conferences that allow us to have the discussions that essentially have been co-opted by our terroristic American media, and used to foment chaos by dumping discussions fit for men upon our American women and children.

Men’s meetings need to be happening a lot more in the local church. In fact, the way God actually designed worship services, and our souls, and the Bible – may I suggest to you that most of our worship is actually intended by God to be man-led. The home is the place for women to discuss the Bible with their husbands. Within a church context, it’s Biblical and edifying for more mature women to teach younger women. But the Bible, and the human soul, cry out that women not lead men in worship. Women should not lead men in prayer or “exercise any authority over men.” (1 Tim 2). Women are saved through childbearing, and of course, not just with anybody.

I did meet some God-ward people, as God-ward people tend to congregate at these events, however the speakers don’t quite feed them the Word as they ought, was my experience. Lots of very sincere God-seekers; and frankly I found what God did through the people I met there far more advanced in their pursuit of God than the rock-concert Christianity “life coach” hacks running the show.

I did get to meet a Christian who struck me as an aging boomer pastor who had learned a few tidbits from the errors of his own ways, and of course, smart people learn from the mistakes of others so as not to commit such mistakes ourselves, so God is good to me in that respect. Lots of very unwise people leading the church these days, but I’m getting way ahead of myself here.

So here’s what went down, brahhh.

Summary Of ISI 2009

Bible and Circus; Porn and Pastry

First off, this most critical tidbit regarding the broken church was omitted from the main conference. Iron Sharpens Iron, like most of the Christian media circus, included many media-prone machismo types from the circus of evangelical Christiandom and, of course, the obligatory anti-porn pep talk which one simply must have at the modern American Christian Men’s Conference. I mean, if you don’t have a porn talk, it’s not an American men’s conference.

And oh, the music. It was called worship, but it wasn’t anything resembling worship. Basically, the way this particular conference works, at least in Manchester/Bedford/Salem, the host church gets to play rock star. And I knew what they were going to do, so I came prepared.

That’s right. I plugged my ears. Why? Because I’m a sound engineer. And I didn’t have a decibel meter on me, but if the sound pulsing from the speakers is making you feel like you’re on a roller coaster – you know, that almost sexual-level rattling – you’re going to pay with your ear-drums.

And they did this for hours before anybody spoke. The host church blared this pulsating music; presumably to give release for all the unhappy marriages stemming from the modern Evangelical church’s lack of fulfilling marriages. I mean, it could be worse. It could be Catholicism. But is that the new American standard?

Anyhow, before anybody talks, if you’re thinking of going to one of these things, you first have to endure lots and lots of horrifically loud, pulsating, electronic bass which will ruin whatever hearing you may have left if you go to a church like the one this was hosted at. I don’t remember the name of it and I don’t care. Do you get my point, Church? Turn down the music! Jesus doesn’t need a television, an amplifier, or rock concert lighting. Who are you trying to impress? This isn’t a disco. It’s a bloody church. Yikes! Yikes! And Yikes again.

Killing Me Loudly

Oh, and before I forget – pastry. Pastry. Pastry! Why! You have a bunch of speakers get up on stage to try to authoritatively encourage men to be better men, and to be there for the people in our lives – and then the only thing you offer our travel-worn bodies is saturated-fat-, preservative-laced fat people food which will (1) condition the young people to adopt awful nutrition habits which will tank their future marriages (2) nurture the American church’s disgusting obsession with junk food which most of the church is already consuming every Sunday (it’s a tax break for Panera) and (3) continue to do the older men in; perhaps subtract a few of grandpa’s last days in the hospital with the kids. Heck, the wife and kids will never know what did old dad in, but here at America’s Man’s Man, we know the truth. That’s right. It was the Christian men’s conference. Oh, dad can’t hike with the kids anymore – that pastry made the difference between a year of active involvement in his son’s lives. Thankfully, the ISI speakers made him feel super-guilty about not doing his job as a dad. Eat another Twinkie as we fill you with church guilt from the circus of confidence men. The body is a temple to be stewarded wisely, church. You wouldn’t trash your church, would you? Then take care of your body, the same way you expect your wife not to treat hers as a whore does.

Keynotes Of ISI 2009 Events

Johnny Parker was particularly popular with the contingent of mostly boomers and effeminate millennials I attended with. Why was I attending with mostly boomers and effeminate millennials? Well, because I live in Boston, specifically a suburb north of Boston. And when you live in a suburb north of 2019 Boston, aging unsuccessful, angry, godless boomers who have an internalized white guilt complex have a kind of obsession with black people.

I grew up in a suburb where it was cool to do “ghetto” stuff – again, because “ghetto” seems cooler than the failed boomer and Gen-X generations which themselves only rebelled against the Greatest Generation.

Handouts Included In ISI 2019 Manchester/Salem/Bedford, NH Conference Package

Well, today, boomers are late-adopters of the “ghetto” fetish. They’ve never lived in a ghetto, and so they are fearless about things like gang violence, illegals, and everything going on in the sucky modernity of Baltimore and Chicago. So the boomers and effeminate millennials I attended with, in their passing, media-stoked curiosity about all things African-American, elected to listen to a “life coach” – is what the standard industry term is… a “Christian life coach” if you will. And his name was Johnny Parker. He was not only the keynote speaker but he hosted breakout sessions during the day.

I credit Johnny Parker on quoting some Bible verses; his testimony in the keynote focused largely on the strain that being a successful life-coach-slash-speaker put on his marital integrity, just like James Dobson and every other public speaker everywhere. So he was just vulnerable enough to fall within the realm of acceptability but to his credit didn’t let his testimony or story go too far. He provided a peak behind the curtain but didn’t overwhelm the audience with the grisly details. I wasn’t blown away by it; but again; if you like that kind of thing; he was a very enthusiastic kind of speaker. And he included the Bible in his talk, which I appreciated.

The Penis Vagina Guy. I have to look up his name because I forget. What I remember about him the most is that he said penis multiple times in his speech. And vagina. Penis, vagina, penis, vagina. It was great.

He was the highlight of the day, really. He slapped a guy in the face in the front row. I don’t want to ruin it for you; I guess it’s free publicity like this that earns his living, but hey, I credit a guy who can get up at a Christian men’s conference and slap the audience in the face after saying words that all effeminate Gordon-Conwell-indoctrinated pastors in Christiandom’s 2019 pulpits seem to fear – penises and vaginas.

He also said something about putting your hands on grandma’s breasts. I’m not joking.

Okay, so he used all of the above within the context of educating the audience about how to commit adultery. Yeah! I’m not joking. It’s called “Twelve Steps to Adultery,” and evidently he was selling a book on it. Now, obviously, the purpose of all this was – how to avoid adultery. But I swear, my then-effeminate teaching pastor was taking notes on what to never do, even though as a single pastor, they are precisely the things he should be doing. Because, you have to keep in mind, millennials like my old effeminate pastor have exactly the opposite problem; they can’t – even commit adultery when they are NOT married. (Think about that one a moment.) But the audience was old, so I guess this is what they needed to hear. The whole church is old. But seriously, how do you get young people to go to a church whose message is – no penises or vaginas – ever? It’s not Biblical – because the Bible says, well, women will be saved by childbearing. Plus, well, we’ve all got one or the other, and God made them for a purpose.

I wonder if – and I’m being totally serious here – if Gary Rossberg should write a book called the purpose-driven penis. I think it would sell.

12 Steps To Adultery – or 12 Steps To Taking A Wife (AMM) By The Penis Vagina Guy

Here are Gary Busey – I mean Gary Rossberg’s 12 Steps To Adultery. Which – frankly – may I add, most millennial men like my former pastor may re-name “12 Steps To Seducing Your Future Wife” – because let’s face it, that’s what millennial men really need. To take a wife and save her through childbearing.

Readiness. Gary Rossberg described it as “a feeling in your chest.”
Alertness. Are you alert to female things? The effeminate millennial isn’t. To those of you single millennial churchmen, be aware of what your potential mate does to you, and know that it is a good thing given to you by God. It’s not toxic – it’s God-given and wonderful. And it’s what allows you to save your future wife from becoming an old maid.
“Innocent Meeting.” Okay, so if you’re married, we’ve got to add the air quotes. If you’re not married, it’s actually an innocent meeting. Unless you’re besieged with the media-imposed guilt complex afflicting our age. Also – if you are a married Christian and your wife has cheated on you – I always advocate staying together. But seriously, church women do act whorish these days. AT least – here in Boston. So hopefully they’ll repent soon and their men will stop leading them off a cliff.
Intentional Meeting. People will say we’re in love!
Public Lingering. Rossberg says if you see a friend who seems to be lingering too long, err on the side of confrontation. Great point from Rossberg here, seriously, because the effeminate millennial – like the pastor of the church I left – is afraid of all confrontation and is therefore good for absolutely nothing to a woman, to a congregation, to anybody.
Private Lingering.
I actually really liked what Gary Busey – I mean Gary Rossberg said about this one. He compared this to “an ox being led to the slaughter,” and this is in fact Biblical. 2019 America is filled with whores. Actually, the 2019 American church is filled with whores. That’s why I had to leave a church recently, because a woman was leading the congregation, which God says is unBiblical. About those worship leaders in the American church, with the rock concert ringleaders…. So, don’t get your penis caught in a whore’s disgusting cesspool of yuckiness. It’s not worth it. Of course – and this is an editor’s mark by AMM – if you’re married you also do run the risk of seducing a virgin, which – again, is great if you’re single but not so much if you’re married. So – it’s not only whores who will lead you to sin in this way, but hey, this is 2019 America, and we are Sodom and Gomorrah.
Purposeful Isolating. An example of purposeful isolating is spending time afterwards at the sales meeting. Of course, effeminate millennials believe selling and sex are evil, and so again, really, not really a problem for effeminate millennials except for the fact that they have some complex that prevents them from closing the deal.
Pleasurable Isolating. Figure it out.
Affectionate Embracing.
Passionate Embracing.
Capitulation. The penis is in the vagina!
Acceptance. Serenity now! But seriously, depending on whether you’re married or not, this could be either the start of your first Godly marriage or the demise of your chances of ever being holy again – unless, of course, you attend an ISI conference.