The Most Bang For Your Starbucks: Refills Hipster Chain’s Best Kept Secret, Organic Blend Second Best

Very simple. Are you ready for this? I’m talking to you especially, you hack writers and legitimate writers alike.

Now, who will this secret not work for as much: people who use the Starbucks drive-through, or people whose Starbucks visit maxes out time-wise at about five minutes or less.

Starbucks offers free refills for all Gold-Card Members. I’m not being paid to write this. I’m serious. If you go to Starbucks and write for four or five hours – which is the only time I go to Starbucks, pretty much, your savings adds up really quick.

Granted, you need to go there on a full stomach, to avoid wasting cash on overpriced sandwiches and other boxed lunches that have been sitting there for a very long time, because they don’t make any of it in the store.

How To Obtain Gold Card Status

So, all you need is a gift card and – like – ten purchases and you’re pretty much good to go.

I can’t speak for everyone, but the quickest and cheapest way to obtain gold card status is to – go to Starbucks once. Buy a gift card for the absolute minimum amount, which is five dollars. Then, buy a coffee using your card. You have to tell them ahead of time that you want to pre-load five dollars and then use that gift card to pay for your purchase. This is the fastest way to rack up your gold card points, which you’ll have in no-time – and seriously, it doesn’t take that much.

Pay for refills, you ask? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? Relax. Your refills – which – remember, you’re going to pay for with the cash pre-loaded on your card – are only $.50, until, of course, you have gold card status, and then they are absolutely free. That’s right. You can pay for one Starbucks coffee, and then, for the rest of the 20 hours you’re finishing your novel, screenplay, or what have you, you won’t pay a dime.

Exceptions

Free Refills do NOT Work at Blowout Locations

There are a few places that this doesn’t work, at least not technically.

• Blowout Stores: This is the technical retail-industry name for the Starbucks at your local supermarket. Basically, if it’s in the supermarket and you try to use your gold card for a free refill, the system generally won’t give it to you. This is because the cash register system at your local blowout location is generally run by the Supermarket, and for whatever reason, it’s not programmed in.
• Co-Branded Starbucks Locations, or locations that serve Starbucks or “Seattle’s Best” coffee (if that’s still a thing) may not honor free refills.

Free Refills Only Work For Certain Drinks

The free refills only work for the three or four standard coffee blends Starbucks offers. Surprisingly, this includes their organic variety that most people simply don’t think to ask for. Very few people think about the fact that when you go to Starbucks, you just assume they’re giving you their best quality blend, but if you want their organic coffee, you must ask for it. It’s called Yukon (pronounced UConn).

The free refills do not work for specialty drinks. I never get any of them because I’m not a homosexual. But if you are a homosexual or a girl, and you are willing to pay four more bucks to see a splattering of pretty colors atop the whipped cream, or “whip,” as the smelly hipster millennials call it – unfortunately you will need to keep shelling out the starbucks if you want seconds.

Many Starbucks Cashiers Don’t Know About This

Starbucks keeps this on the down-low, because imagine if all the hipster writers out there who spend ten hours working on their screenplays in L.A. knew about this? Starbucks would lose millions of dollars in revenue.

Also, I’ve never used the phone app. The Starbucks Baristas will probably make you sign up for the phone app. You don’t have to if you have the refillable card; the only time the phone app might help is if you don’t want to carry the card.

Stay Current

Just make sure you don’t fall out of grace with your gold card status, or you will lose your free refills. It’s easy and cheap; in fact you don’t even need gold card status; I remember I started getting free refills by accident when I was still the level-below-gold-card, when I first got my card as a starving artist in LA.

Yukon (U Conn) Blend

U Conn sucks, which is why the best refillable blend of Coffee is named after it – because you’re going to want to suck it down by the case-ful, like Connecticut Citizens suck down the bull dealt out by their elected representatives.

But all of the above is moot. The point is, it’s organic, and why would you drink Starbucks’ normal blend if you can have their organic blend? I know, I know. You go to starbucks so you don’t have to tell them how to make your coffee. That, presumably, is why you choose Starbucks over McCafe – because the “barista” at least speaks English – most of the time. Okay, so it’s not the high-quality stuff it was once known for. No matter. If you want organic, you can get it just by asking.

Ask them for the Yukon blend. And refill happy for as long as they’re open and you need caffeine. Be sure to ask for a cup of water just to have at the ready, because… well, if you’re doing it right, you’re going to get dehydrated quickly.

But The Annoying Music…

Ask nicely and your friendly barista will turn it down. She doesn’t like it either. And neither do the baristos. Remember, they’re working for coffee beans.

They’re not allowed to turn off the music, but they can generally get it low enough so that your Bose QC’s can generally get the thumping bass down to where it’s bearable enough for you to concentrate.

When They Ask Your Name

The proper response to a Starbucks barista asking what your name is is always “Merry Christmas.” Time of year is irrelevant.

You’re Welcome

You heard it from America’s Man’s Man. As much caffeine as you can ingest for the price of one cuppa Starbucks joe. Just – don’t tell too many people about this or Starbucks will shut it down for sure.