The Incestuous Hollywood Pitch: “It’s X Meets Y”
For more on arts and culture by Peter Vadala, read: POTUS: Modern Art is a Con AND Ars Gratia Artis: Art for Art’s Sake?
“Here’s how you pitch to Hollywood executives,” the gurus and the professors, and the self-aggrandizing consultants preach. “It’s Alien meets Gone With The Wind,” or “It’s Chucky meets Gloria Estefan.” You get the idea. Okay, so maybe the terminology “X meets Y” isn’t used by consultants any more, but it’s still what all the big studios are doing. They don’t like to talk about it. Would you?
AOC probably should be afraid to have children. But what about the few, the strong, the brave good Americans left in America’s churches? And yet, we are not above the influence of awful, awful bad art. Even if we don’t go to the theater, it wears on the culture around us, and by extension, healthy Americans, the few remaining unscathed by the cult of Hollywood, of television. The incestuous cult of ideas that media has bred at warp speed.
Maybe it worked once upon a time. But if you have a bunch of children, and they have a bunch of children, and they have a bunch of children, there’s some rather awkward cross-pollination that’s sure to result; and this applies to the realm of ideas and creativity more than actual human marriage.
Hollywood wants something truly original – which is also congruent and primal, and yet, they don’t recognize what is slapping them in the face.
Let’s visit the stereotypical redneck mountain town. I don’t want to name names, Smoky Mountains, but you know who you are. What happens when cousins have babies? That’s right, they end up retarded*.This is why nobody has any desire to go to the movies anymore. Yes, as the Fox News foxes and fancies jibe all the time, most recently of the hostless Oscars, (how’s that for a mashup? daytime morning news meets Las Vegas) “It wouldn’t be Hollywood without a side of politics.”
America doesn’t watch movies anymore because we know what to expect. We know that if we go there we’re going to shell out upwards of $15, and we’ll leave even more depressed than when we walked in. That’s what Netflix is for. The long held American past-time of going to the theater (the-AH-ter?) is even dying as a habit, because Americans are asking themselves – “Why are we still doing this?” There was an element of positivity in watching classics such as The Ten Commandments. The Bible Belt has now come full circle, with television hack pastor completely rebelling against his father, not only establishing his own church, but now disavowing the Ten Commandments. It’s truly disappointing and depressing.
I’m not sure how that’s related, but in any event, retardation* of the American populace, including the church, would seem to begin with the retardation* of Hollywood’s incestuous pitch process.
I can back this up, logically, by the way. I’m not simply throwing around words to “bully” Hollywood. There is literary precedent for the word “incestuous” here. It’s just that – if you’re like 99% of Americans, you don’t read, so you wouldn’t know. I’m kidding. Obviously you’re reading this; the point here being that what you choose to read, like what you choose to watch, matters.
It’s very simple; think about it. How many sequels, how many millennial “mashups” can a culture tolerate before original human creativity, the real God-inspired divine spark stuff wakes everybody up again?
To quote a secular, atheistic high school teacher who hates Christians; I’m not naming names, but his name was Mr. Qualters, and he made life hell for Christians for ages and he deserves this, in the hub of the Universe, Sodom and Gommorah. He’d deserve it if all he did was advise the school’s “gay straight alliance”- which would be more aptly named the Sodomy Club. Because, let’s not mince words, that’s what it is. In fact, let’s call “gay marriage” what in hell- yes, what in hell, it really is. It’s sodomy. It’s not even incestuous hollywood marriage; it’s beneath incest. It’s what God destroyed cities over. And if God allows Boston to stand, as a Christian friend recently reminded me, “God owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.” (Sarcasm)
What happens when Hollywood, by some impulsive, scarcity mindset of stockholders, demands more and more safe returns in the form of “X meets Y,” or “F-it, we’re not even going to produce retards*, let’s just start cloning the classics and calling it original.” That’s what Hollywood is doing. That’s why Hollywood is failing. That’s why Broadway is begging for cash. Bad showmanship, Broadway. Bad Broadway.
Conclusion
When your entire production strategy is “X meets Y,” it’s not awful if you do it once or twice. It worked for Adam and Eve, I guess. But – eventually, if X and Y have a whole bunch of children – and I know – I know what you’re thinking, but this is an analogy because it doesn’t hold water literally, so realize its limitations —
When Hollywood has enough siblings who intermarry and insist, stupidly, on intermarrying in some kind of godless incestuous lust; when Alien Part 9000 and Bride of Bride of Chuckie’s Uncle have a baby, it’s going to be pretty messed up. And because it’s a movie and not a person, it’s perfectly Christian to abort this awful, world-poisoning, America-poisoning celluloid breeding process –
It’s like this Christian radio station I used to work at. And the owners had a dog they bought from a fly-by-night dog breeder. They had no idea when they bought the pup it was inbred. But the thing grew up, and, God love the Christian couple for loving it until death did them part. But it was foolishness.
And that’s what Hollywood is now. It’s a fly-by-night inbreeder with a seedy-looking, leased production studio full of retarded* mutts. Incestuous, retarded* puppies. For the love of God, and all things holy in God’s exceptional nation, stop the Oscars, with your pulpit of Satan. Stop the creative inbreeding.
Discover something new. “Do it for your country. Do it for America.” (The Founder)
*America’s Man’s Man values every human life, and trusts that, as always, those actually struggling with disabilities of all kinds are loved by God and understand that this article is in no way a slight toward them.