Announcing Interest In Parler CEO Position

I don’t want to come off like Rosie O’Donnell here, but I know Parler’s business like the back of my hand. I’ve been in it a very long time.

Anyway, in case Dan Bongino doesn’t pass on my note to you, Parler Mercer principles – I just wanted to – uh … formally throw my – uh hat in the ring for the position of CEO.

I rose to the top of the anti-FAANGT Uncensored Internet, and was number one on PewTube for weeks. I’m pretty sure I broke it. I was featured on Gab endlessly, until I started calling out Andy for his incompetent management. I mean, look at the thing. I’m still trying to figure out why so many on Gab are so enthusiastic about ((Surround Sound)).

I have kind of a reputation for being an American loyalist and not sucking up to the Communist, FAANGT ecosystem, if you haven’t heard. I always condemn and disavow unlawful violence. It’s the latest FakeNews BigTech craze, the “denounce and disavow.” It’s bigger than disco.

I’m wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. And the commies at BC taught me a little about how they try to take over America from within the system. Well, they didn’t mean to, but – that’s beside the point.

Let me know if you uh, uh, uh need a resume or something like that. I heard you guys are short on cash, and I may be able to help with that as well, but I may need to call in a favor from one of Hunter’s prostitute friends. No, no, I promised Hunter I wouldn’t talk about that. Have you seen Hunter Biden, by the way? Where the heck is he? He owes me a job.

Tell you what, let’s do coffee. You pick the place. Let’s make it soon, and life, uh uh uh uh uh found a way. Technological determinism. Rage against the machine, and all that.

I’m really the smartest millennial in existence. So seriously, move soon.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Oh, and you should check out my Parleys where I posted exactly what was going wrong with Parler’s John Matze, as it was happening. Just ask Amy. She was pretty ticked about it.

It’s either you guys or a vaudeville-style NBC Thanksgiving special with weird lesbian dancing turkeys and ethnic performers spinning plates on sticks.

What I’m really trying to say is John did a grrrrreat job.